Looking for the Loping Tortoise

I'm ordering my day differently today. I'm starting with the most important things and then moving toward the urgent stuff rather than the other way around. So this morning, I read the bible, journaled, had breakfast with my daughter and then went to the office. I made myself a cup of coffee and sat spent the next 45 minutes studying French (something I always mean to do since I travel in French-speaking countries but never get around to because some urgent thing needs my attention.) Then I spent a quiet half hour reading a good book. Now I'm blogging. Later I'll respond to the emails that really need my attention.

I figure, my best energy is in the morning so I should use it on those tasks that require my longest attention span. That frantic stuff can be done on little or no attention span because it's mostly piddly stuff.

It was strange to spend the morning in quiet activity though. Usually, I am frantic, trying to get to most bang for buck out of my day. But like a sprinter, I inevitably spiral frantically down into inconsequential time suckers. But like many people, I intrinsically believe that something's wrong if my life doesn't feel frantic. Something in me believes life should be made up of breathless spurts of chaotic productivity punctuated by "vacations" of inactivity. 

But I don't like that. When I come to Sabbath out of breath, I'm barely able to catch it before the work starts again. I prefer the idea of life as a peaceful surging forward of focused effort followed by a gentle throttling-back of rest. That model promises less "success", less renown, less ego-stroking. But I think humility dictates I take that path. Today before work, God told me, "focus less on growing a big ministry and more on being obedient." So I'm trying to be obedient to the priorities he's pressed on me rather than the stuff that is easy or enticing to do and feel good about but bears less real fruit in the long run. I'm looking for the marathoner's pace. And I suspect that if I can find that easy, determined lope, I'll be much more productive in the long run. 

Go tortoise go!

Not Happy with Nice

Yesterday we visited a new church. The people were nice, the sermon was nice, the music was nice. Everything was… nice. And I’ll probably never go back.

I am chronically dissatisfied with church. I’ve been itching at the reason for years. What am I looking for in a church that I am so frequently disappointed? And I realized yesterday that what I’m looking for above worship styles, and programs, and preaching talent is… God. Does God HAVE to come to this church on Sunday or will things go on nicely without Him if he just stays home in His pajamas?

Put another way, if I visit your church and sit in your pews for an hour on Sunday I want to see just one single thing; one puzzling detail that would be hard to explain apart from the existence of God and a vibrant hope in eternity. I’m no sociologist, but it would be easy for me to explain to you why ABC Baptist Church exists regardless of God’s existence. The pastors get a pretty sweet deal if you ask me: a chance to do what they enjoy, influence, respect in the community, endless accolades (“great job pastor! That really touched me.”) Not to mention a decent wage with benefits. The volunteers get a sense of fulfillment from doing “God’s work” and a feeling of community. The people get entertainment, inspiration, and moral guidance to live better lives.

Let’s face it. The church in America (especially here in the bible belt) is a totally sensible proposition. And that’s what bugs me.

Go ahead. Talk my ear off about living a life reliant on God’s care and provision. But it’s in one ear, out the other. They say things like, “Are you radically trusting God with your finances? Then give us your money!”

I can’t remember the last time I thought in a church, “Holy smokes! Are you for real?? Do you actually think all this God stuff has power?” No wait. I can remember. It was the night I felt the Holy Spirit going gangbusters in my body. And I thought, “huh. This isn’t supposed to happen in church!”

http://nathanharkness.blogspot.com/2010/11/holy-spirit-encounter-funny-things-are.html

Anyway, 9 times out of 10, being a church is an attractive idea for everyone involved. No need for God himself to muddy the pond. But then again, 9 times out of 10 (depending on who you are and where you live) being a Christian is an attractive idea. And if churches our made up of Christians, then our communities are just a reflection of us!

So bring it back home, Nate.

If you sit down with me in my nice house in Fayetteville, GA and we chat for an hour in front of my fireplace and I tell you about my life… will you see something… anything that would be difficult to explain without the existence of God and a vibrant hope in eternity? Am I the kind of Jesus-follower who when the rubber (faith) meets the road (life) says, “ah hell. Let’s go for it!” When nobody gets me or likes me or wants to join my nutty adventures, can I say, “well… there’s always heaven.” Or just, “God said it so I’ll do it.” I sure hope so.

Dating gurus will say, “don’t focus on finding the person of your dreams. Focus on being the kind of person that the person of your dreams deserves.” So maybe I should focus on being the kind of Christian that the church of my dreams deserves. Or at least, when I become that person, maybe my dream church will become easier to recognize. Or maybe it will just matter less.

In the mean time, I’ll keep visiting churches. But to be honest, the search has not gone well so far. Because I’ll probably never be happy with a “nice” church.

In transit to Georgia!

In the last couple days, we’ve fought colds and exhaustion to get our little Uhaul trailer packed and on the road. Yesterday morning we hit the road with almost every square inch of both trailer and minivan occupied. We stopped just short of utilizing the space on the dashboard! A nice tailwind kept our 4-cylinder van in 5^th gear all the way to Chicago.

Immediately, Debra declared an indefinite “Thriftober” and we began adjusting to the idea of PB&J instead of hamburgers and pinching pennies wherever possible. But instead of feeling oppressive, we enjoyed the freedom of independence of total responsibility. As much as we tried to keep separate lives and responsibilities living with my in-laws, there’s will always be a sense of being a child in your parents’ home. While we will always be indebted to them for their hospitality and support of us while we raised our finances, it’s a great feeling to be out on our own again after 14 months!

Tonight, I have the unique opportunity to be the musician at a wedding of a friend who requested a song from The Muppets for her bridal processional. I'm looking forward to a hilarious evening! Sunday morning, we’ll drive 13+ hours to get home to Georgia. Can’t wait to hit the garage sales and start dreaming of creative ways to furnish our house. 

Yesterday, we decided to build a king-sized bed platform out of used pallets and suspend it from chains in the master bedroom for our bed. I know. But wait til you see it. It’ll be glorious.

Feasting on Daily Bread (and a word on our house)

When I was a kid, our pastor was a passionate older gentleman with thick white hair and an arsenal of  (sometimes exaggerated) stories and sermon illustrations. Once he told of his younger days when money was so scarce that simple things were difficult to afford. One night, he and his wife prayed for a little butter to go with the bread they were eating. Lo and behold, a knock on the door later that day revealed a bewildered-looking friend holding a block of butter! As a 10-year-old, my heart swelled. Wouldn't it be so cool to live that way, I thought to myself. To be so dependent on God and to see Him provide for me so specifically!

Well, I'm getting my wish!

In the last 24 hours I've felt His presence and believed His provision in a new way. I've seen the ways that he has not only cared for us in the broad strokes of our life but also in the specifics. Someone walked up yesterday and dropped 200 dollars in our hands: exactly what we need to buy gas to get to Georgia!

Sunday, a small herd of supportive friends gathered at the front of church after the service to pray for us and send us out. I was blown away by the show of support and affection they gave us.

Then last night we had a "little" going away party at Debra's parents' house. Though it was last minute, we had an overwhelming show of support from every corner of our lives. Family, friends, neighbors, folks from church, college acquaintances, even my 94-year-old great great aunts! Everyone was there to wish us well and show their love for us as we pack up to leave in 2 days. I was deeply touched by them and I woke up today still feeling incredibly cared-for.

For the next 2 days, we'll be sorting, packing, and moving. We'll be in Chicago for a friends wedding and then get to our house next Sunday or Monday. We're so excited. Like the nerdy new homeowners that we are, we've been running around the last couple days Macauly Culkin style shouting, "Eeeek! We have walk-in closets! Eeek! We have a garden tub! Eeeeeeeeeek! We have hosting space!"

I just don't know what my life will look like next week. But today, I'm content not to know.

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A word on the house saga:

After 12 musty, moldy, outdated, and foreclosed houses in one day, our realtor took us to 159 Allenwood Rd. A well-maintained 2200 square-foot 3-bed / 3-bath ranch, we first fell in love with the open concept kitchen/dining/living area with vaulted ceilings and loads of natural light. In a sense, we "just knew" but held our breath until we saw the rest of the spacious layout, the big closets, to jetted tub, the screen-porch,  the detached workshop, the wraparound deck. Besides, it just felt like OUR home. So we made an offer on the spot and it was accepted.

I changed my ticket home from Africa so I could attend closing on August 28. But an hour before closing, our lender pulled the rug out from under us. They had a problem with the fact that as missionaries, our income varies from paycheck to paycheck. They could not approve the loan. We were upset. The seller was furious and demanded $1,200 for 1-month's rent in order to delay the closing date long enough for our lender to figure out the financing. Our real estate agent (who has consistently gone to bat for us) called the lender and angrily demanded they take responsibility for this blunder (since they should have addressed the problems weeks earlier) and they sheepishly agreed to pay the rent while they started a new file on our loan.

For the new file, I worked with WDA to make sure they had 3 consecutive paychecks with the same amount of gross pay to assuage their concerns that we "work on commission." We expected to close on the 21st, but again, they stalled until the last possible business day according to our contract: September 28.

At 4:30pm on September 27, they called panicked that a form they sent me to sign was the wrong form. Could I please get this new form notarized and overnighted in the next 30 minutes? It was almost comic. I ran to the bank with a friend as a witnessed and walked in AT 5:00pm just as they were closing. Document notarized, it was still too late to overnight it. Initially they threatened to cancel closing but then changed their tune. If I could just scan and email it tonight, they were willing to close on the house.

So the next morning, we held our breath while our friend in Atlanta signed on our behalf and our real estate agent kept us up to speed via text. "Just tell me when you are walking away with the keys," I texted, thoroughly expecting something to blow up in our face at the last second. But finally, she wrote, "You are closed. I'm leaving with the keys."

Jumping up and down, we whooped and hollered and danced around the room. We own a home!

Suddenly, we were in high gear, sorting, packing, organizing a goodbye party, writing a final support letter, etc. 6 from closing to moving. Today, it's sorting and packing. Here we go!!