I'd like to take a break from my spiritual meanderings.
This morning is the morning of our 5th wedding anniversary. I woke up next to my daughter in one queen bed. Debra shared the other bed with her 6-month-pregnant tummy. Above my head, a framed picture of a clown frowned down on me sadly while another clowned smiled from across the room. I did my best to avoid touching the spotted blue carpet as I made my way to the shower.
That's right. I'm at the Clown Motel in Tonopah, NV. For $39.79, we rented this gem in the middle of the Nevada desert. After driving the entire stretch of Tonopah, this was the first hotel with vacancy. Annabel exclaimed, "Is this.... a CLOWN HOTEL?!?!?!" and proceeded to laugh uncontrollably.
The owner's 10-year-old daughter met us at the door and refused to leave our side. She confided mischievously that we were located next to a graveyard "where they found a ghost" and then proceeded to encourage us to buy an assortment of stuffed clowns.
After dinner at the BurgerKing/Subway/Gas station (add 6 dollars for Claratin to combat whatever was living in our room), we returned and went straight to bed. Believe me-- it was a lot more charming with the lights off. Come to think of it, I've stayed in worse places.... but they were in Zambia!
Not exactly the romantic anniversary we imagined. In fact, after a couple oppressive days driving through the desert and an ill-advised attempt to see the Vegas trip, we are officially at the low point of our cross-country trek. But things are looking up: a little more driving and we'll be in Yosemite and then off to San Fransico.
I don't think it can get much worse than The Clown in Tonopah, NV. The upside is that Annabel is ecstatic. To her, this is pretty comparable to rolling out a sleeping bag at Chuck-E-Cheese.
9.23.2011
9.20.2011
The Greatest Adventure Ever.
We've been on the road 12 days. 22 to go. We've been from Minnesota to Chicago and across the plains to Colorado. We've met with more people and have become more exhausted than I thought possible. I'd have 4-5 meetings back to back. I'd get home and collapse unable to move.
At the beginning of last week, an old mentor challenged us to view our support-raising as a ministry rather than as a fund-raising tactic. So we cast our cares to the wind and decided that we would respectfully lay aside our fund-raising training (a couple tapes that told us how to guide a conversation to "the big ask") and start investing OUR resources into people instead.
So we started listening better to people's hearts. We did our best to encourage, bless, and pray for them. We drew out their vision for ministry and shared a bit of ours. We sought to develop partnerships for future ministry there. By the end, we had some financial supporters, but we had a lot more personal advocates, which in some ways is better because it opens the door for future relationship and ministry. We did walk away with a number of financial supporters including (hurray!!) our church community in Windsor, CO. But suddenly it matters less. In God's sense of humor, while WE sought to "raise a vision" for OUR work, God was raising OUR vision for HIS work.
Over the course of the week, I met with church leaders representing 5 churches in the area and was blown away by a common yearning for discipleship in each church. As we listened to each leader's heart we heard a deep need for healing and maturing in the hearts of Northern Colorado Christians. We began to sense that God may have future plans for us in this town. I began to wonder if we could implement some emotional healing groups in the area or perhaps do some future training on discipleship. Either way, Windsor, CO is now a sending base for us. The door is now open for us to visit again and do meaningful work in the future. (By the way, if you didn't know, we lived in Windsor when we were first married and it was the hardest year of our lives together. To come back and feel we have a bright future here is profoundly redemptive for us: yet another loose thread that God is weaving into the tapestry of our lives together.)
Now we're off over the mountains. We'll hike and play for a day as we drive up to Grand Junction, CO. Then we're off to Las Vegas for a night. Haha. I know what you're thinking, but we're staying with a pastor's family. Though I haven't squandered the opportunity to tell supporters that we intend to "double our support" while we're there. ;)
This is the life I always dreamed of. This is the way I want to live.... not in an office, but out on the road, pouring into the lives and hearts of people. Like that pubescent mermaid, "I wanna be where the people are!" I want to "raise the vision" for building whole, mature, and missional disciples across this country. I want to leave a trail of people that itch for something deeper than church once a week. And I want to be able to give them the resources to dive headlong into the deep end of God's promises and dreams for their lives. That for me is the good life. And I can't believe God brought me here.
At the beginning of last week, an old mentor challenged us to view our support-raising as a ministry rather than as a fund-raising tactic. So we cast our cares to the wind and decided that we would respectfully lay aside our fund-raising training (a couple tapes that told us how to guide a conversation to "the big ask") and start investing OUR resources into people instead.
So we started listening better to people's hearts. We did our best to encourage, bless, and pray for them. We drew out their vision for ministry and shared a bit of ours. We sought to develop partnerships for future ministry there. By the end, we had some financial supporters, but we had a lot more personal advocates, which in some ways is better because it opens the door for future relationship and ministry. We did walk away with a number of financial supporters including (hurray!!) our church community in Windsor, CO. But suddenly it matters less. In God's sense of humor, while WE sought to "raise a vision" for OUR work, God was raising OUR vision for HIS work.
Over the course of the week, I met with church leaders representing 5 churches in the area and was blown away by a common yearning for discipleship in each church. As we listened to each leader's heart we heard a deep need for healing and maturing in the hearts of Northern Colorado Christians. We began to sense that God may have future plans for us in this town. I began to wonder if we could implement some emotional healing groups in the area or perhaps do some future training on discipleship. Either way, Windsor, CO is now a sending base for us. The door is now open for us to visit again and do meaningful work in the future. (By the way, if you didn't know, we lived in Windsor when we were first married and it was the hardest year of our lives together. To come back and feel we have a bright future here is profoundly redemptive for us: yet another loose thread that God is weaving into the tapestry of our lives together.)
Now we're off over the mountains. We'll hike and play for a day as we drive up to Grand Junction, CO. Then we're off to Las Vegas for a night. Haha. I know what you're thinking, but we're staying with a pastor's family. Though I haven't squandered the opportunity to tell supporters that we intend to "double our support" while we're there. ;)
This is the life I always dreamed of. This is the way I want to live.... not in an office, but out on the road, pouring into the lives and hearts of people. Like that pubescent mermaid, "I wanna be where the people are!" I want to "raise the vision" for building whole, mature, and missional disciples across this country. I want to leave a trail of people that itch for something deeper than church once a week. And I want to be able to give them the resources to dive headlong into the deep end of God's promises and dreams for their lives. That for me is the good life. And I can't believe God brought me here.
9.08.2011
And Away We Go!!!!
In a couple hours, we hit the road for 5 weeks. We'll be all over from Chicago to Seattle and everywhere in between. I still cannot believe we're doing this, believing that somehow in all of it, we'll be able to raise several thousand dollars in monthly support for our ministry... I've never done this. I'm completely unqualified. And I'm terrified of rejection. But today once again, God is making His love felt to me and prodding me to step out in faith, to trust his care, to delight in my weakness, and to rely on his power. Even my little devotional book talked today about every meeting, every interview being ordained and blessed by God... I think that was a message for me.
So, my heart is light as we drive away today. Our plans are still way more fluid than I would have liked. But somehow I think it's all going to come together. I know... it's crazy. It makes no sense. And yet, I can't tell you how much sweetness and joy I feel when I think of the life God has given me and the path He's put us on. It's so full of hope, so full of Promise. So I'm deliberately risking rejection and financial ruin for that life of hope and promise, believing in God's heart to nurture and provide for those who simply rely on Him.
So.... away we go.
So, my heart is light as we drive away today. Our plans are still way more fluid than I would have liked. But somehow I think it's all going to come together. I know... it's crazy. It makes no sense. And yet, I can't tell you how much sweetness and joy I feel when I think of the life God has given me and the path He's put us on. It's so full of hope, so full of Promise. So I'm deliberately risking rejection and financial ruin for that life of hope and promise, believing in God's heart to nurture and provide for those who simply rely on Him.
So.... away we go.
9.04.2011
Burning Trash and eyes for Africa
I know I'm in right line of work when burning garbage makes me nostalgic. A crisp morning with the smell of burning brought me right back to Africa today where between the cooking fires, fields, and trash heaps, something's always burning. I remembered how much I love that continent and how much I long to invest and make an impact there. I can't wait until I finish raising support and can start my regular work of teaching and mentoring in Zambia, the Congo, Tanzania, Kenya, and (hopefully someday) Nigeria, Ghana, Guinea, and beyond.
I have a vision for whole-heart transformation there... catalytic, missional, Christ-centered wholeness: Jesus-style. But right now that vision is still inside my mind, gathering steam, waiting for the right time, for financial backing, for a critical mass of experience and networked relationships. I'm eager to get going.
But for now, my job is support-raising. That's exciting too. I enjoy kicking ideas back and forth with people, connecting, casting vision, gathering a team to accomplish that vision. As long as I can keep in perspective the fact that I have no wisdom or power within myself to make this thing work.... That if I'm gonna make the right connections and accomplish my goals it's gonna have to be the Lord's strength working on my behalf.... well, then support-raising is fun... it's really just cultivating relationships in the context of mission.
So I suppose I'll do my best just to relax and enjoy the season now. But when I smell burning rubbish, I'll dream of the season to come.
I have a vision for whole-heart transformation there... catalytic, missional, Christ-centered wholeness: Jesus-style. But right now that vision is still inside my mind, gathering steam, waiting for the right time, for financial backing, for a critical mass of experience and networked relationships. I'm eager to get going.
But for now, my job is support-raising. That's exciting too. I enjoy kicking ideas back and forth with people, connecting, casting vision, gathering a team to accomplish that vision. As long as I can keep in perspective the fact that I have no wisdom or power within myself to make this thing work.... That if I'm gonna make the right connections and accomplish my goals it's gonna have to be the Lord's strength working on my behalf.... well, then support-raising is fun... it's really just cultivating relationships in the context of mission.
So I suppose I'll do my best just to relax and enjoy the season now. But when I smell burning rubbish, I'll dream of the season to come.
9.03.2011
Testing... testing... 1... 2... 3...
Since I got back from Florida, I've felt a bit off. I hit the ground hard here and found myself reverting to patterns of judgment and irritability. Bizarre thoughts, like "you think it's God's presence but really it's a coffee buzz," started running through my head. There's this sense of an old Enemy scratching around outside my defenses, looking for a place to get in.
Confirmed: dropping open my bible (not a recommended tactic), I landed on Matthew 4. The Temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. As I read about the temptations (feed your body, seek power, test God), I felt God was telling me that it is now time for some of His lessons to be tested. Here are the lies I've tried to supplant with truth. These are weak spots for me:
A: Productivity determines my worth.
B: God will not ultimately take care of my heart.
C: I can make my own way in life.
As a confirmation that I'm not schizophrenic, the bathroom devotional (those dorky one-line inspirational daily calenders you read while you pee) said, "God gives us his Spirit and then lets the tempter come." Right....
So for each lie, I've been collecting scripture to refute it. That's the tactic that Jesus used, so I won't try to improve on it. Good news is that I don't have to succumb to lies or temptations. In the past, each of those has seriously cripple me. That no longer needs to be the case.
I'm hoping these truths can be set in concrete: God accepts me unconditionally. God knows how to take care of my heart and meet my deepest needs. My wisdom and power is insufficient, but His is infinite....
Okay. I'm going to stop before I start writing a daily devotional calendar of my own! ;)
Confirmed: dropping open my bible (not a recommended tactic), I landed on Matthew 4. The Temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. As I read about the temptations (feed your body, seek power, test God), I felt God was telling me that it is now time for some of His lessons to be tested. Here are the lies I've tried to supplant with truth. These are weak spots for me:
A: Productivity determines my worth.
B: God will not ultimately take care of my heart.
C: I can make my own way in life.
As a confirmation that I'm not schizophrenic, the bathroom devotional (those dorky one-line inspirational daily calenders you read while you pee) said, "God gives us his Spirit and then lets the tempter come." Right....
So for each lie, I've been collecting scripture to refute it. That's the tactic that Jesus used, so I won't try to improve on it. Good news is that I don't have to succumb to lies or temptations. In the past, each of those has seriously cripple me. That no longer needs to be the case.
I'm hoping these truths can be set in concrete: God accepts me unconditionally. God knows how to take care of my heart and meet my deepest needs. My wisdom and power is insufficient, but His is infinite....
Okay. I'm going to stop before I start writing a daily devotional calendar of my own! ;)