Unity. Love. Intimacy.

How many days have I read John 14? And today, I’m beginning to see that everything in Jesus’ mission is deeply rooted in the intimacy he experienced with the Father. Day after day, the Father poured out his love, his will, and his words on Jesus. When Jesus said, “I am in the Father and the Father is in me” I believe he was referring to the unwavering experience of God’s presence with him all the time. To feel the love and power of God with you at all times would dispel all loneliness, make people-pleasing seem ridiculous, and give enormous self-confidence.

It’s that same unity of heart and purpose that Jesus came to offer me. His whole mission was reconciliation to the point that “My father will love them and we will come to them and we make our home with them.” I know Jesus wants that relationship and intimacy with his followers because he says, “I will come back and take you to be with me that where I am you may be also.” That’s what Jesus is all about. Total union: his heart to my heart. Intertwined for eternity in an open channel of affection and worship.

Knowing the connectedness Jesus must have felt with the Father sheds light on his experience of the cross. In a single moment, the Presence was gone as the “Lamb of God” took on the evil and ugliness of sin. Being holy, God turned his back to Jesus for a single moment and the feeling of total isolation rushed into Jesus for the first time in his life. The soul-crushing power of that aloneness prompted him to cry out in agreement with the psalmist, “My God! My God! Why have you forsaken me?”

If we could experience God’s love and presence each day, I think life would be a lot better for us. Suddenly it wouldn’t feel so bad to be single, poor, unattractive, sick, disabled or whatever state of being we may be stuck in. The power of That intimacy flowing into our hearts as love and out of our hearts as worship would cause all things temporal to pale in comparison.

The only thing that can block the free exchange of love is sin. Disobedience. Disbelief. Self-reliance. That’s why Jesus said, “If you love me, keep [listen to, apply, obey] my commands.” Because disobedience and disbelief are like umbrellas deflecting the love of God. I may desire to feel the love and presence of God, but as long as I cling to an orphan heart that insists on caring for myself, living in fear, and disobeying Jesus, I’ll only experience His grace as a temporary phenomena. I’ll see everyone else getting soaked and wonder why the rain is falling off the edge of my umbrella.

As for me, I choose to let my guard down… To invite the presence and love of God to pervade me and reject the accusing, judgmental, skeptical heart that blocks the constant outpouring of God’s daddy-love. I want that experience to bleed through every layer of my daily experience. From mornings on the porch, I want to start experiencing him everywhere and all day. I’m starting to believe that may actually be possible.

Daddy's love

 Sure. I’ll be transparent on the internet. Why not? 

I’ve gotta say that the daddy-love of God has been totally overwhelming to me lately. This morning, I was dancing around my room grinning like an idiot until Debra gave me one of those what’s-gotten-into-you looks. I know what’s gotten into me. For the last 3 weeks since we arrived in Minnesota, I’ve been waking up feeling the desire of God to meet with me. It usually pulls me out of bed before I’m really ready to wake up. I go upstairs zombieish but drawn by a strange impalpable sweetness and anticipation. I make coffee and sit on our porch. I close my eyes and before I can even breathe a prayer, a tingling warmth rushes through me and I start to hear God’s voice speaking to me with strength and clarity: Words of affection, affirmation, and sometimes challenge. Often, he gives me a bible reference to read and meditate on. Usually, he just encourages me to soak in His presence as waves of His affection for me as His child wash over me, softening what had been critical, cynical, and judgemental.

It’s starting to change my marriage. I’m quicker to cry, quicker to encourage, slower to judge. One day God asked me, “can you love a woman you can’t fix?” Then I experienced the amazing freedom of not having to change my spouse. As I experience God’s unconditional kindness and acceptance towards me, I’m suddenly free to accept my wife and appreciate her exactly where she is. I never expected NOT judging to be feel so liberating.

Not judging others frees me also to not judge myself. That’s good news because I’ve waged war against parts of my own identity for so long: meek, imaginative, sensitive, tender, timid. And… I’m realizing that the person I ultimately want to become (a man of disarming gentleness and warmth) is the person I swore never to be. Now I want to learn to be tender without fear, to have a soft heart with strong bones and an unshakeable identity rooted in the experience of God’s love and presence one morning at a time.

5 years and feeling grand!

Debra and I are going HERE for our 5th anniversary in 2 days!! Besides being right on the ocean, I here they serve home-made donuts for breakfast every day! Hurray! It's the little stuff that excites me. You may not understand why the idea of driving a rental car thrills me.... but maybe you haven't met my car. Mostly, I'm stoked to get 5 days alone with my wife and no real agenda. That's a first for us! At the end of our trip, we'll pay a visit to my grandma in nearby Port Orange. She's about the hippest 90-somethings gal around. And if you haven't played Skipbo with Grandma, you haven't really lived.

Boundary Waters recap and a reflection on mountaintop experiences

I just got back from the Boundary Waters with 8 friends from Chicago and Minneapolis (including 3 guys from my men’s group). We canoed out of South Hegman Lake near Ely, MN and camped for 3 nights. The first day we went cliff jumping over some ancient petraglyphs stained into the rocks. The second day we dove for fresh-water clams and cooked them for dinner. We swam several times a day, laid in hammocks, and traversed miles of portages. We had temps in the 60’s and 70’s, warm water, and hardly a drop of rain. We laughed a lot together but also had some sweet times of silence, reveling in nature by day under partly cloudy skies and at night by a blindingly bright moon and crackling campfire.

As a former BWCA trip leader, I was designated the trip’s organizer. I don’t mind leading this stuff, since I’m proud of my northern Minnesota roots. I love playing tour guide with my friends and exposing people to the pristine beauty of the Northwoods. There’s a certain rhythm to a boundary waters trip. From the big daily rhythms (wake up, break camp, paddle, portage, paddle, set up camp, go to bed) to the meditative rhythm of a paddle gliding through still water, I think those rhythms, far more than straight hiking, make a canoe trip soothing and restorative for busy people.

It would have been enough just to enjoy the beauty of God’s creation. But it happened that our participants were all gifted leaders in their own right. I wanted to find some way to encourage them in their leadership. So we spent some time talking about Ezekiel 36 and God’s call to shepherd the flock with integrity. I challenged each person to invest their time in discipling younger believers believing that God has given them all the needed qualifications to lead well and make an impact. In turn, they encouraged my leadership abilities and affirmed my ministry calling. A highlight for me was a full 20 minutes of focused prayer for me at the end of our trip full of prophetic words and loving encouragement. That token of love and validation continued to chip away at the deep belief that I don’t deserve that sort of care or attention. I was honestly taken aback.

I think for most people there, it was a mountaintop experience… a special moment of connectedness with God, self, and others. I’ve been contemplating what it would look like to intentionally facilitate those kinds of experiences as a part of my disciple-building efforts through weekend retreats and the like. I’m learning that effective discipleship is a good combination of mountaintop highs and daily decision-making. I want to be able to walk through both kinds of experiences with people I’m ministering to because neither one seems to work without the other.

And if nothing else… I just like camping.