This Uncircumcised Philistine Will be Like one of Them

Recently God asked me to chase after something that I totally lacked the relational clout and resources to rightfully possess. This kind of thing used to trigger feelings of inadequacy and insecurity in me. I would tend to measure my personal worth against the success or failure of the endeavor. It used to feel like writing a $10,000 check when you’re pretty sure you only have $1,000 in your account and hoping it all works out. But there’s something about God asking you to do something that cancels all that junk out and stirs up faith. I think it’s because God’s prompting (his Word to us) carries with it inherent permission and authority to write checks on His account and expect they won’t bounce. That’s called faith. And faith is a funny thing.

People sometimes think faith is a blind and desperately optimistic step off the cliff. But faith in a biblical sense is always tied to memory. Moses believes God and goes back to Egypt because he saw a burning bush and saw a rod turn into a serpent. Peter tries walking on water because he saw Jesus do the same thing. David goes against Goliath because God had given him power to kill a lion and a bear. He doesn’t work himself into a faith frenzy with religious language to go against the giant. He calmly reasons from his history and makes a small intuitive leap. God had given him supernatural power to overcome a lion and a bear. Therefore he figures, “This uncircumcised Philistine will be like one of them.”

So I was facing this little risk the other day, but I went ahead and wrote the “check” on God’s account. It’s not because I have tons of courage. It’s actually because I remembered this one time I was running late for a flight and God whispered in my ear, “don’t worry I’ve delayed the flight for you.” And sure enough, even though I arrived at the airport 45 minutes after the flight was supposed to leave, and the screens at the airport indicated the flight had left on schedule... I casually walked to the gate and found the flight HAD been delayed and I had just enough time to get in line and board. I reasoned that if God was willing to delay a hundred passengers just to show me His love and power, surely he could come through for me in this little step of faith with a moderate risk of humiliation.

I actually found that as I contemplated what God was asking me to do, these words came into my mind like a sledgehammer and I felt the Holy Spirit as though he was boiling in my esophogus as I said them out loud: “this Philistine will be like one of them.” Saying those words out loud caused this outrageous outburst of joy in me. So I said them again and again and felt the pure, savage delight of God.

This year, I’m in a season of growing faith. I think the name of the game is making those tiny intuitive leaps based my history. If God could do that... I bet he could do this. As my faith grows, I find I feel the permission and authority to actually ask God for some bigger things... many of them are things I’ve asked for before but without much confidance that God could and/or wanted to do that thing (“Sir, you have no bucket and the well is deep!”). But now I’m surprised to find that as I’m asking God for bigger things, I feel the Holy Spirit reverberating inside me with the Father’s delight in giving good gifts.

Huh...!

Dieting and God's Presence

I’ve had some adventures with food lately and since January seems to be the month of new (and typically short-lived) diets I wanted to share a couple things I’m learning about the relationship between food and the Holy Spirit.

This is an ongoing journey for me. I want to eat healthy not so much to lose weight but so I’ll have energy, care for my body, and feel good. But I’m pretty worn out with the variety of diet plans that rely on will power to build healthy eating habits around a new list of “clean and unclean” foods. Maybe this works for people, but I find I quickly lose motivation and go back to compulsive and mindless eating habits. I find that a lot of my feelings and attitudes about food are intense and deeply ingrained. Changing my habits often induces panic, burnout, and shame.

But something struck me recently from 1 Timothy 4:

“For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.”

As I think about conflicting diet trends with their lists of good and bad foods, it’s good to remember that in fact, all food is good and made by God. No food can make us “clean” or “unclean”. All food is made by God for our enjoyment and nourishment if we can receive it with prayerful gratitude!

Here’s what I’ve started doing. I’ve started inviting the Presence of God into my eating decisions. Each time I dish up a plate of food for myself, I invite the Father to be with me and once I feel His Presence, I invite him to help me make any food decisions He may want. A little more broccoli? A little less ice cream? Or maybe a little MORE ice cream?

I find he leads me consistently to enjoy and appreciate the good things He’s given (even some indulgences) without gorging myself. Sometimes, he leads me to skip a meal altogether and that’s good and beautiful too because I know he’ll beautifully care for my body in His way and in His timing.

If I want to eat something, I ask myself, “Can I receive this with gratitude and trust?” If I can, then I enjoy it! If not, I simply wait. My eating has become mindful and attentive without becoming anxious or obsessive. It feels healthy to me. Sometimes, I slip out of grateful eating into mindless chomping and I always feel “heavy” about it (pun intended). But graciously, he’s teaching me to stay with him in eating just as I’m with him in all my other activities. I’m hopeful this will result in a healthy body and a joyful heart. Just another perk of practicing God’s Presence!

Immanuel: Real Transformation through God's Presence

It’s official. I’ve changed. It’s been 17 months since a simple prayer exercise called “The Immanuel Approach” with a friend on Skype permanently healed a small traumatic memory from my past and set off an avalanche of personal transformation that continues throughout every day in an emerging “Practice of the Presence of God”. This transformation has felt staggering. I want to share it with you because I’m increasingly convinced that there’s nothing special about me and the reality I’m living in today says more about God’s heart than my ability... that it is all Grace... and that it is available to anyone who wants it.

Including you.

That might feel like an incendiary statement to some of you but I’m being serious. I’m living in freedom and joy at a level of constancy that I never dreamed was possible. (Just ask my wife.) So if you believe (as I once did) that positive transformation in this life is meager, incremental, and hard-fought, then you might think I’m deluded, arrogant, or cruel in telling you this story. I get it. But let me give you a taste of what’s changed in me and then I’ll sketch a bit of the process I’ve observed so far...

*My perceived level of shame and guilt has decreased by at least 90%

*Social anxiety has significantly decreased

*I’ve become able to navigate the negative emotional ramifications of conflict in a tenth the normal time. What used to take me weeks to sort through now can take only minutes.

*I experience God’s presence physically as a warm tingling sensation along with profound peace, gratitude, and joy in relationship with Him several times (and often dozens of times) every single day. I haven’t missed a day since the original Immanuel Approach exercise. There is some discipline behind this but it is intrinsically self-motivating at this point

*Conflict in my marriage went from several fights (and always the same fight) a week to one or two mild conflicts a month (which I’m always quick to make right). And we’re not white-knuckling past relational tension. There’s genuine peace and connectedness between us. Again, just ask my wife.

*I’ve gained access to emotional resources outside myself through God’s Presence that allow me to easily make healthier life decisions from what to eat to how to relate to people in a crowded room.

*For the first time in my life, the Christian life has felt “easy and light”, not “painful and hard”. Christian disciplines likewise feel relatively easy and desirable. I’m living in greater liberty than ever before AND I’m joyfully limiting my own liberty more than ever before for the sake of intimacy with God.

*The bible has come to life and I’m able to internalize scripture on a much deeper level. My hunger for God’s word has increased exponentially and it makes more sense than it ever has.

As I write this, I’m not congratulating myself on my achievement. That’s precisely the point: it’s not my achievement at all. Through a life in God’s Presence, our lives pass away. The bible says our lives are “hidden with Christ in God.” In exchange, God gives us His Spirit to live inside us forever. The Spirit increasingly renews our minds and possesses our daily lives in a process called sanctification. I’m discovering that most Christians have no clue just how deep and permanent this sanctification through life in the Spirit can run. But the vision of sanctification in scripture is total. I’m convinced that there is no alternate view biblically. Romans 8 says, “those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.” Paul says earlier that through the Spirit, we perfectly fulfill the law and requirements of God. Read: the whole Christian life is found in walking by God’s Spirit. And Paul thinks this is possible for Christians because he says, “you however are not IN the realm of the flesh but are IN the realm of the Spirit if indeed the Spirit of God lives IN you.”

So I’ve made it my ambition live in the Spirit by constantly tuning my mind to receive His presence, friendship, direction, discipline, emotional and physical resources, and the shaping of my will through Him. He has shown Himself more than eager to do just that!

I’m not the first person to stumble across this path. I believe many have found their way here throughout history. I just finished reading Brother Lawrence’s “The Practice of the Presence of God” which first ignited my desire to live in God’s Presence when I was younger. Brother Lawrence was a lay Carmelite monk in the 1600’s who experienced an increasing sense of God’s presence throughout the 60+ years of His spiritual journey. When joining the monastery he was taught a variety of prayers, methods, philosophies, and practices for the spiritual life, but he quickly discarded all of them thinking they would only serve to confuse rather than help him. Instead he resolved simply to fix his loving attention on God throughout the day. And while he said it required a little discipline in the beginning, he quickly found his own soul took over and the practice had a self-propagating effect. He would seek God’s presence in every daily activity, asking for God’s additional help to stay in step with Him when that activity required his full attention. He was just as happy with God while washing dishes as in fixed times of prayer. To him religious and “secular” activities were of equal value in leading him into God’s presence. Though he was aware of his own failings and sinfulness, it sounded to me like he lived free from shame. If he sinned, he would ask God’s forgiveness and cheerfully say, “I can nothing else but sin without you!” and resume his intimate dialogue with God as if nothing had happened. What wonderful freedom it would be for us guilt-shackled Christians if we could live with a greater vision of the Father’s love than our vision of our own sinfulness! Isn’t that what Christian growth is all about; returning us to the original design... innocence toward sin and constant relational awareness in communion with God? Isn’t that what we’re all hungry for?

I want you to know it’s available to you and it is MUCH easier to get than you think!

For me, it began by developing a basic “muscle memory” for accessing God’s Presence. Of course the development of this muscle memory depends on the belief that God’s Presence is available to us at all times and not intermittent. That was a new belief for me, but I’ve become thoroughly convinced. There are many ways to do this but ultimately you have to experiment and find what works for you. I discovered through the Immanuel Approach that accessing God’s presence through the vivid mental imagery of past relational connections creates a reliable bridge to a present-moment connection with Him. But ultimately I found that God’s presence connects with us best in the present tense. Go figure.

In other words, reflecting on concepts or ideas doesn’t connect me with God. Thinking about the future doesn’t connect me with God. But remaining present and attentive here and now right where I’m sitting DOES connect me with God.  I also learned that relational connection with God is connected to building relationship joy through gratitude. Sometimes it can help to rehearse things I’m grateful for, but most of the time my gratitude springs naturally from my joy that He has chosen to come be with me!

Once I developed the muscle memory for finding God’s presence, I started inviting him into a variety of new situations: a tense parenting moment, walking through the grocery store, in the middle of a business meeting, right before I fall asleep, right when I wake up, reading an email, listening to a friend, in the middle of an emotional conflict, praying for someone to be healed of cancer. Often my prayer would be simply, “Holy Spirit are you here?” Then I would be quiet for 5-10 seconds and pay attention to what happens. Often that electric pulse of God’s presence would rush in with the mental impression of His voice assuring me of his Presence and his delight. God coming into those situations where he used to feel distant always makes me smile, as though God and I were sharing a secret joke as the world goes on around us. As God pervades more and more situations, his control over my life increases. My need to be right or get my way or get my needs met in artificial way dies down and my peace and contentment in God increases.

I also find myself loving more and loving deeper. Because it turns out that relational connection with God turns on the relational circuits in your brain that regulate empathy and connection. So it’s hard to walk into the grocery store and not feel God’s love for the people I pass. Honestly I’m not sure what to do with that wild impulsive affection I feel sometimes for total strangers. It’s difficult to dehumanize or dissociate from people when I’m connected to God because my brain is telling me it is safe to connect, to humanize, to love. And if I get hurt or exhausted, I feel confident in God’s ability and willingness to repair damage and replenish spent emotional resources... if not now, then soon. I imagine over time, I’ll become one strange bird: someone who cries easily, shows greater interest in others, prays for people whenever possible, shares my faith with tenderness and courage, displays more affection and attentiveness toward strangers... I’m excited to become that person!

I hope you can see how radical this way of life can be. Brother Lawrence taught that the whole of Christian life and practice was summed up in this one simple practice. I’ve always wanted to live here and I’m surprised and delighted to find that actually, God is very eager for me to live here too! I feel as though I’ve just walked through the entryway and God has laid out a whole world for me to explore. I feel even if I don’t take another step, I can stay here, beautifully satisfied in Him. And yet, I feel there is so much more than even this waiting for us.

I’ve hesitated for a long time to put my weight down on this new reality. But I’m finally getting used to the idea of this being my “new normal.” Brother Lawrence talks about the guilt he once felt that in spite of his expectation that God would eventually bring pain and difficulty into his life to sanctify him, he experienced life as nothing but joy and delight, even in the midst of difficulty because of God’s presence with Him. People I’ve encountered who have found the secret of Practicing God’s presence don’t talk about it as a “season” or a “spiritual mountaintop” from which they invariably descend back into reality, but rather as a new reality that increases in depth and intensity over time. So far, that’s been true for me.

I’ve been relatively private about this journey because I sense I needed this thing to form deeply in me before I give it away. But I’ve been eager to tell you about it as well because I want everyone to have the chance to live here.

So if this awakens something in you, maybe a hunger to live more deeply in the Father’s Presence, I’d love to simply encourage you to try believing that this is possible for you. Ask God to unlock the secret of His abiding Presence in your life. Resolve that any sacrifice is worth getting the prize of His Presence. And then begin experimenting with different things to see which ones increase the resonance of His loving Presence. That might be part of Paul means by “find out what pleases the Lord.”

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If you would like additional guidance or would like to go through the Immanuel Approach (www.immanuelapproach.com) to see how God’s Presence can heal traumatic and triggering memories, feel free to send me a message at nharkness@disciplebuilding.org ...In the mean time, if you are still reading this, let me just pray like this for you... Holy Spirit come in the warmth of your Presence and shower your delight on this child of yours. Show up in simple little ways throughout their day. Align their synapses to see you and feel you more and more every day in a variety of situations. Show up in their pain. Show up in their boredom. Show up in their desires and delight. And Jesus, show them and let them know once and for all that you do not leave us as orphans, but you come to us so that we may also be where you are.

One Big Reason to be Thankful

Today I’m thankful for so many things. But one thing I’m especially thankful for today is the way God has become the meeter of all needs in my life. These last few years I’ve learned to trust the way He provides everything from my daily bread to my deep down Existential needs as His child.

Today I am meditating on the middle portion of Jesus’ famous “Sermon on the Mount“ in the sixth chapter of Matthew. At first reading, it looks like a random collection of teachings on different topics: giving, prayer, fasting, etc. But I don’t think that’s what it is at all. I think it is a unified teaching with a central theme: God knows what you need and He wants you to trust that He is the One who meets all needs.

Check it out. What is it that motivates those “hypocrites” Jesus talks about? What drives these self-righteous folks to announce their “righteousness”, their prayer, their fasting? At its core I think these folks are driven by a deep hunger to feel seen and honored by others. But I don’t think Jesus is simply calling them out for arrogant self-righteousness. I think Jesus is calling them out for their basic lack of trust in God. They don’t really believe that God is there, seeing who they are and what they do. They don’t trust that He will reward their righteousness so they do what all religious folk do when they don’t actually believe in the God they’re peddling: they “practice their righteousness before others to be seen by them.” So their “righteousness“ is not driven by a private desire to please the father and align their lives around his will, but rather by a desperate bid to feel their needs being met by the approval of human beings.

I get that. I feel that longing to be seen and valued deep inside me. If I am honest with you, that’s one of the driving needs of my life. And at my worst, it’s what drives my need to perform, not just on stage but in relationships and even in ministry. When I’m driven by that performance need, it tells you something about me. It tells you that I don’t really believe God is there inside of me, Loving me, meeting me in my heart‘s deepest longings. It tells you that I’m living on some level in alienation with God. If you see that in me, you buy what I’m selling because on some level you will know it’s not working for me either.

But this chunk of the sermon is full of good news, not just chastisement or challenge: Good sees what is done in secret and He rewards those who express their deep inner trust both in “heavenly” rewards and in rewards in our life. I would speculate that among those rewards is the gift of a changed perspective and a deeper intimacy with the One who cares for all our needs. Also, Jesus promises that as calm the noisy hypocrisy of “flesh-righteousness” which comes out in loud religious showmanship and lean on God’s help to cultivate the inner heart-righteousness in the private world of our spirits, we’ll find His incredible faithfulness, the trustworthiness of his word, and the confidence of a growing faith.

So Jesus can say, “hey guys, don’t worry about food or drink or clothes, because unbelievers run after these things and your Father knows you needs them! Look at the birds: God feeds them and you’re worth SO much more than a bird! Look at the wildflowers: here today and gone tomorrow, yet so splendidly dressed. Aren’t you worth more than a wild plant?”

This may challenge us because anxiety, shame, unbelief, and self-righteousness are painfully common, even (sometimes especially) among Christians. But we make a mistake if we confuse common with normative. Because if we can trust the words of Christ that in seeking God’s Kingdom, He will happily heap “all these things” (food, clothes, value, true security, meaning, love, and so much more) on top of the pile… well then we’ll have something to be thankful for won’t we? In that place, the words of Jesus will be for us: “your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.”