Okay, redaction first: I recently wrote a blog entry trying
to come to terms with the fact that support-raising is SLOW. I was learning
that God may have a purpose for us being stuck in this season longer than we
thought. But I was still feeling bummed about being poor. But the more I
thought about it, the more I realized that in every season of my life, God has
amazingly and wonderfully provided for everything we need! Seriously! Our
support level isn’t enough to move to Georgia, but it is plenty to live on
here. We have free rent, free healthcare, supportive family and friends…. We
have enough! It makes me suspicious that when it is TIME to move, we’ll have
enough for that too. It frees me to listen to what the Spirit tells me to do
and DO it rather than sit around doing the math and figuring out what I have
enough to do. Well…. After that blog entry I got home and opened a $4,000 check
from our ministry! Several people HAD responded to our year-end appeal and one
person we’d never met had cut us an enormous check for $1,600. Crazy huh? The
surplus should cover an upcoming “scouting” trip to Georgia and a couple other
big needs. I was blown away. It felt just like God to work on my heart about
support-raising all day, bringing me to a place of contentment, and then blow
me out of the water with His awesome provision. So, I’m not bummed anymore. I’m
actually really excited. I feel free once again to go out on a limb to listen
and trust… trusting Father to provide. Okay. John 6.
Jesus feeds 5,000, walks on water, and talks about the bread
of life. This chapter reads with such beauty, simplicity, and potency. I’m left
with this feeling of Jesus reaching out his hand and saying, “do you trust me?”
“It can’t be that simple Lord,” I respond. And he keeps saying, “What if it was
that simple?”
Jesus, stuck in the wilderness with 5,000 hungry men and
their families. A logistical nightmare. This is complicated. While the
disciples do the math (8 months wages would buy everyone a single bite)…. Jesus
thinks, “I know! Let’s just ask my Father to multiply these 5 rolls and 2 fish
until everyone is full! Simple.
Jesus wants to hang out a little longer so he sends the
disciples off in the only boat they have. In the middle of the night he decides
to join them again. Walk around the lake? Hijack another boat? Hmmm… I know!
I’ll walk on water to them! Simple.
Here come the crowds, looking for another meal and Jesus
says, “Do not work for food that spoils but for food that endures to eternal
life, which the son of man will give you… I am the bread of life. He who comes
to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never go thirsty.”
What could this food be that endures to eternal life? The abiding presence of
God! John 15! Unity of heart and purpose with the Father. How do I get it? Just
by trusting the one who gives it. And what happens if I eat it? I’ll never be
hungry or thirsty again. Simple.
So… are we saying that if I just spend my energy turning my
heart and life over to the Father, believing what He says, that I’ll be totally
provided for? I really had to think about that one… but I think the answer is
yes. God and I were talking about it some more today and he explained to me
that in life, I WILL have to work to provide bread for myself and my family not
because he made me to provide but because he made me to work. The mystery of it
is that I’m never the one providing it! I’m only the one responding in
obedience to His call to work. He writes the paychecks! Boy this is a tough one
for me. Because the minute I start working, I start trusting myself for the
results. But in support-raising, I don’t always see my hard work pay off. Other
times, I do very little and see miraculous provision. It helps me see ONCE
AGAIN that my domain is obedience and trust. His is provision.
And I think it really is that simple. So I’d like to
recalibrate my energy towards listening, resting, believing, and trusting him.
I think that’s what he means by “working” for food that endures. After all,
when the crowds ask, “What must we do
to do the works God requires?” Jesus
cryptically responds, “The work of
God is this: to believe in the one he
has sent.” …Simple.
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