Fail, Fail, Epic Fail

I’ve been studying the curiosity of Jesus’ behavior those last few weeks leading up to his execution. From where Jesus shoots down his brothers’ advice on how to become a public figure… to where he raises a guy from the dead in a dramatic scene gaining him loads of new followers… to a victory lap into the city during which he predicts his death and shouts at the crowds. Sometimes, he seems bent on driving away his followers.

But it helps for me to read in John 12 that playing on repeat in the back of the Messiah’s head the whole time is an ancient prophecy about him:

⁹ “Yes, go, and say to this people,

   ‘Listen carefully, but do not understand.
      Watch closely, but learn nothing.’
 ¹⁰ Harden the hearts of these people.
      Plug their ears and shut their eyes.
   That way, they will not see with their eyes,
      nor hear with their ears,
   nor understand with their hearts
      and turn to me for healing.”

Like Isaiah, Jesus seems to view his ministry as a ministry of failure. Or more accurately, Jesus chooses over and over to take the long view of things. He knows that after raising Lazarus from the dead and then riding in Jerusalem, he’s poised to change the balance of power in the ancient world. The crowds are desperate for bold new leadership and are ready to follow this miracle worker. It’s like Jesus is being offered a golden opportunity. “Wanna change the world? Here’s your chance.” “No thanks,” he replies. “I’ll hold off for a bit and then change all of human history instead.” He knows that his failure as a leader and teacher during his life will result in greater fruit after he’s gone. So it seems sometimes that he’s dismissive of new followers and new opportunities because in his haunted foreknowledge, he knows what his existence is for… That’s crazy faith if you ask me.

Somewhere inside, I JUST want to be able to get to the end of my life and feel like I made an impact. Like all leader-types, I want to leave a legacy of greatness: not a statue of me in some city square or a library named after me in some university… but a clear imprint on the heart of the African church. A contagious zeal for growth, maturity, and love-based Jesus mission. But what if I knew I would end my life in relative mediocrity? How would I live differently now if I knew I wouldn’t live to see my impact on the world? Or better, what if I let go of my need for impact-making altogether in favor of trust and obedience? Is it enough for me to just to live the Jesus life, pursue humility, embody love, and follow those Holy Spirit nudges? I kind of think God would like that better.

Like so many folks in ministry today, I read the story of Jesus and say, “got it. Now I’m gonna do something better, something that really blows people away.” I want to build a grand legacy for Jesus (ahem… well I guess my name will be mentioned in there too) in the form of a ministry, a building, a new movement, whatever.

Sorry folks. It’s tough to improve on Jesus.

Today, I’m gonna try to wrap my brain around the awesome success of failure. I hope I can start to see things beyond the short confines of my life here and start taking the long view. If I can do that, I’m pretty sure it’ll impact the decisions I make today.