Weaning off the Ego Strokes

Today I was reading my bible and I felt the impulse to look up Ezekiel 3:9. That happens to me a lot: random bible references pop into my head. Sometimes, the verse is obscure or even silly. Other times, the reference doesn't exist! Today though, it was profound.

"I will make your forehead like the hardest stone, harder than flint. Do not be afraid of them of terrified by them, though they are a rebellious house."

Ezekiel was being sent as a prophet to Israel in exile. A stubborn and rebellious group, God promises Ezekiel that they won't heed his message. But He also promises to give Ezekiel a thick skin and stubbornness to match.

For weeks I've been asking God to remove this gnawing fear of people, to burn it out of me. Particularly toxic to me is the approval or rejection of respected Christian leaders. Their approval strokes my ego and their rejection darn-near crushes me.

It's always been that way. Since I decided to follow Jesus at age 16, the personal attention and approval of key Christian mentors has steered me down a path to become the person they will approve of: a visionary leader with impressive personal charisma. Is that really me or do I just play the part? Right now, I think the answer is yes and yes.

The problem is that through my personal relationship with God, I've developed some skepticism towards many churches and the folks that shepherd them. In part, I feel I also have a prophetic calling to a rebellious house: the Church. A beautiful bride stubbornly prostituting herself to Security, Comfort, and Success. I feel like I'm supposed to call the church to higher integrity and deeper discipleship. But that means challenging the leaders I idolize. It's a conflict of interests. Do what's right, invite rejection, lose self-esteem.


I feel I need to experience His sufficiency to meet the needs once met by people. Or at least I need to be so terrified by His holiness that fear of man pales in comparison! I feel like today's verse is a promise to me: that one way or another, God will strengthen my resolve, wean me from the ego-strokes of people, and instill a stubbornness about the truth; a thick skin and a firm resolve. Yes please.

This weekend, I'm going to a