The Chill of Inadequacy and Exorcism

It’s hard to tell you how strange and chilling it was to chat casually with a friend after church while 20 feet away, a demon was being cast out of a young woman. While volunteers stacked chairs and the pastor’s kids played rambunctiously, the woman in the back writhed, gagged, and fell down while a young man prayed/shouted in a commanding voice. Then the woman/demon/whateveritwas issued the most chilling, metallic, two-toned scream you can imagine. It was so loud that it was hard for me to hear my friend talk earnestly about his discipleship journey. (I heard that same metallic scream one other time 13 years ago, but that’s another story for another campfire.)

I made a concerted effort to act casual (since apparently this is standard fare here) but honestly, I was quite shaken.

I had just finished preaching to a couple hundred in a canvas-tent church about following Christ’s example as a missionary, disciple-builder, and failure for God (meaning just that he had God’s priorities in mind even though his ministry led him to a place of suffering and seeming failure and notthesexyministryeverybodywants). The sermon went okay, I guess. Truthfully, I underwhelmed myself, but I’ll spare you the gory details of my self-flagellating. Everyone said it was great and timely and challenging, which is wonderful. But I left feeling embarrassed and rather like a failure.

Part of it may be that I’m working with Pentecostals and their religious experience is so fervent and their lives are so regimented and I keep thinking… Gosh, I believe these guys have the Spirit and I want some of what they have. But if my life and spirituality were exactly like theirs I’d just feel tired all the time! I mean, I’m Pentecostal in a sense. I get dreams and prophesies and pray healing prayers and pursue Holy Spirit stuff. I've never spoken in tongues (though I'd like to) or had what I would call a “baptism of the Spirit”. I also don’t follow the strict lifestyle choices of many Pentecostals. I'll have a beer, dance at a wedding, etc. I’m not loud or flashy or authoritative. I’m just me. But when I get around these guys part of me feels inadequate.

Okay I confess! After the sermon, my translator looks at me and says, “oh. Is that all? I think the people are expecting more. Do you have another message?” Panic. Blood to face. Mind blank. “Um…. No?” So I said, “let us pray.” And the embarrassing confession is that I tried to act more Pentecostal than I am. I did a response invitation thingy and I think God was doing something. But honestly, it was more for the benefit of my hosts and translator than me being responsive to the Spirit or caring for people. I got scared. I wanted to please them. I caved. And then I felt mortified.

Anyway, I don’t think any real harm was done (not like I was giving bad theology or something). People are resilient and maybe some people were really moved. And I’m still slated to preach in that church next week. I’ll tell you what though. Next week, I’ll spend more time listening to God before choosing a topic, spend more time preparing, and be ready with enough material! I won’t recycle an old sermon (even if it was wildly successful last time) and I’ll try to just be me.

It reminds me of the constant up and downs of the disciples. With Jesus they’d have this huge high and then a big reality check. Mount of transfiguration followed by inability to cast out a demon. Must be some divine tactic for character formation… okay, well THAT’S off my chest! J

Earlier in the day Zakarias preached to a couple thousand at a Lutheran church about discipleship. Thrilling stuff really. He’s a pretty gutsy preacher and knows how to win people over and then “stick it to them”. That church is starting a 5-week preaching series ON discipleship so our seminars were a timely confirmation to them that (as they said) “This is God’s time for discipleship in Ethiopia.” After the sermon, a couple got married right there in the church service! I especially liked the lighting of the unity candle. After lighting it, the groom snapped his individual candle in half and chucked it onto the floor with disdain! (“Tired of being single thank you very much!”)

After lunch, the pastors and leaders sat us all in a circle outside the church. While a woman sat roasting coffee beans over some hot coals, we munched on toasted barley, chatted about Amharic, and laughed heartily when I told them about the Amharic nickname given to me in college (“Nati Tota”: Nate the monkey). Then they asked Dave some implementation questions regarding “next steps” for discipleship and communicated their eagerness to forge an ongoing relationship and have us back soon. We said we’d love to do that and feel free to send us to other parts of Ethiopia next time where there’s a need.

Did I tell you about the two-year-old girl in our seminar yesterday? She was sleeping in her mothers lap and when she woke up, she rubbed her eyes, turned slowly and gave the sweetest sleepy grin ever! Then she flirted with me for the next 20 minutes. Absolutely stole my heart. So, I was already in a weakened state when after dinner tonight, we got a tour of an orphanage run by one of Zakarias’ friends. Dozens of babies and little kids, all absolutely adorable beautiful human beings in various stages of adoption. I can only imagine how the Father must feel about these kiddos. I wanted to stay all night and hold babies, but maybe that’s just me being sentimental. I've NEVER wanted to adopt. Then again, I've never been to an orphanage!

So now I’m back at the guesthouse in my melty, inadequately-Pentecostal, shaken, hopeful, embarrassed, visionary funk… trying to sort it all out. I’m tired and need my rest but am glad for a few sweet moments in my pajamas without the constant presence of other people.

I’ll try to sleep in tomorrow, but between mosques, churches, and loud Arab-speaking neighbors… we’ll see! At some point, we’re supposed to go to the ancient Coptic sites up north. I’m sure you’ll get an earful about that!

(Update: I slept til 10:30 and had a gorgeous quiet morning writing music and just enjoying some alone time with the Father. So happy about that! Our trip north has been moved to tomorrow morning. Looking forward to it!)

(PS- for the record, Ethiopia has been a wonderful experience and it's clear every day that God set it up. I've also had wonderful experiences in other parts of Africa. I love the genuine friendships I've built with people in Congo, Kenya, Zambia, and Guinea. I'm deeply grateful for each one of them and the unbelievable warmth and hospitality they've showed toward me. I love this continent and the rich promise of God's Spirit so evidently working within the diverse cultures of Africa.)