Are they Born That Way? Why This Evangelical Can Say “Yes”

I’m growing up in a generation in which homosexual relationships are slowly being normalized in the media. The narrative of the gay community is gradually being told for entertainment-seekers across America. At first this bugged me. After all, I’m fairly conservative in my views and have not been able to reconcile the gay lifestyle with an honest reading of the bible. (I suspect that last statement rouses an emotional response in many people which further demonstrates that we live in an increasingly polarized world in which civil disagreements are alarmingly rare.)

It has become much more normal (and I admit quite interesting, though still not entirely comfortable)  to see the unique challenges and dynamics of gay relationships and orientation communicated across the airwaves. One of the shows that I think does a good job of telling that story is Downton Abbey. Yes, we’re THOSE people. We love the show and are fascinated by the complex human interactions in a world driven by status.

If you’re not into the show, Thomas, a closeted gay servant spends most episodes plotting, backbiting, and generally being a jerk. But recently he visited the bedroom of another male servant whom he mistook for being gay. The other servant, angry at Thomas’ sexual advance condemns him loudly and makes sure that Thomas is dismissed from service.

One of the ideas that comes out is that Thomas didn’t choose this lifestyle but that he was born this way. As Thomas says to his supervisor, “I’m not foul, Mr. Carson. I may be different than you but I’m not foul.” The compassionate Mrs. Hughes agrees that Thomas in spite of all his flaws did not choose to be gay.

I appreciate the show’s ability to show every character as good and evil despite their views. All characters, wherever they land on the debate, are capable of arrogance, intolerance, and profound compassion.

But I know that many of my evangelical friends will take offense at the “subtle message” in the show that a homosexual orientation can be innate from birth. Trouble is, I think many of my gay friends are “born with it.”  But how can I say that and still land with the evangelicals? How can I admit that something is ingrained in a person’s nature but not encourage that person to act on that aspect of their identity? Isn’t it cruel? Shouldn’t we be free to act out according to our personal nature in ways that do no harm?

Some Christians will say “Homosexuality is inborn… just like alcoholism or sociopathic tendencies.”  I take issue with that because those things cause clear harm to self and others. On the contrary I’ve seen loving, monogamous gay relationships that seem to bring people to new places of life and creativity.

But I DO think we live and breathe in a tainted universe. Some of the affects of what Christians call “original sin” are the bad things we choose do. But we’re also victims of a twisted world in which bad things happen to us… some things nobody can control. Pain and unright-ness enter the world from all angles: natural disasters, honest misunderstandings, fear-driven behavior, “natural” predispositions, or just plain rottenness…

I think the bigger issue for Christians is… If homosexuality is always a choice, then our approach will be to help gay people “unchoose” their orientation. (Likewise if everything wrong in the universe is a result of someone’s choices, then we’ll lean heavily on behavior modification to get us out of this mess.) I’m suspicious of so-called “reparative” therapy and I would never encourage one of my gay friends to “pray away the gay.” A fascinating long-term study on “reparative” programs like Exodus International showed that people’s experiences in such programs were not on-average negative or psychologically harmful but that reported “heterosexual adjustment” or changes in orientation were relatively minor.

http://www.amazon.com/Ex-Gays-Longitudinal-Religiously-Mediated-Orientation/product-reviews/083082846X/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1

I figure that in the final analysis, we’re all born somewhere on the orientation spectrum (yes, I think it’s a spectrum). Some people may make choices to identify more or less strongly with that orientation. I have gay friends that refuse to call themselves gay and prefer to use the terminology of attraction over orientation. Other people will just “call it what it is” and move on with life. But I’m suspicious of anybody who assumes that what is natural is always good if it can be deemed “harmless”… one, because of the seldom-examined philosophical and theological underpinnings of the simple word “harm”. And two because the story of Eden teaches Christians that not all things created are meant to be engaged and not all things natural are made for exploration.

The watershed question for humans is, “can a good God make fruit which I must not eat? Can self-control or self-limitation still end in my happiness and fulfillment? And I think the answer is that it can and it will, but each person must deeply wrestle with that question for themselves.

In my life, I’ve felt deep anger toward God for hardwiring things into me which I must live with and control every day. I’ve experienced the alienation of not feeling allowed to participate in the things which feel deeply ingrained, even natural from birth. How could a kind God allow this to happen?

But throughout those struggles, the one thing I’ve found God to be is kind: Kinder than tolerance or civility or acceptance. Kind enough to hold me, to love me, and yes, kind enough to challenge me and to allow me to face painful inner struggles that come from the deep places where my very identity lives. BECAUSE of God’s kindness, I feel I have choice again... maybe not the ability to choose my sexual orientation, but certainly the ability to choose my actions. Because of the intimate whispering love of the Father, I could be absolutely gay, absolutely celibate, and absolutely content.

I know that saying this won’t make me very many friends. I think many people find me either too conservative or too liberal. But this is as true to my experience and understanding as I can get right now.

Many of my friends and family will disagree strongly, but choose to remain in relationship with me. I’m happy with that. Because one thing our opinions or dogmas or sexual orientations CANNOT do is make us less human or less loved. I’m tired of the rampant self-righteousness of humanists and Christians alike which withholds human dignity and belonging to whole groups of people based solely on what they think. I believe what I believe and I’ll be honest… I can be arrogant and dogmatic about it sometimes. But your right to be treated with dignity as a human being made in God’s image should NEVER be mitigated by my dogmas. Period.

And that, I think, is the real heart-cry of a young generation wrestling through life in a pluralistic society. Outside of more radical postmodern experiments it’s not a cry for co-existence. It’s a cry for kindness. And THAT’S why Jesus is still relevant to my generation.