“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you?"
Jesus is talking to his friends. He'd been prepping them for his departure and it must have caused enormous grief. Not because they were losing an important acquaintance or public figure... but because they were losing the guy who initiated relationship with them, walked with them, blew their minds with radical new teaching, showed them miracles, walked alongside their faltering faith, empowered them to be more than they were: not mere fishermen but "fishers of men."
And I have to believe in those days, relationships meant everything. There was no Facebook. No email. If you're gone from where I am... it's like you're dead to me. In Acts, the apostle Paul would leave a place and all the believers there would weep as though his departure ripped their hearts out. I guess friendship was really intense back then and it must been more than a bit stressful for the disciples to think about Jesus leaving them.
But he says not to worry about it because he was gonna make up some rooms so that his friends could come live with Him. On earth, it was said "the Son of Man has no place to rest His head." But in his Father's house, there was enough room for him and all his friends to settle down and hang out for eternity. So he told his disciples, "look guys, I'm just gonna go make up some beds for you at my Dad's house. Then I'll come back for you and you can come stay with me there. We'll never be separated and we'll have forever to enjoy each others' company. If you want to get to where I'm going just follow me. I am the way, the truth, and the life. I'm the best map you've got!"
Okay... here's what I take from that:
1. Jesus is telling me (again!) not to "let my heart be troubled" about all the little stuff that freaks me out.
2. The REASON he can say that is because being "with" Him is way more important than working for Him, or being productive, or meeting deadlines, or fulfilling people's expectations.
I went through my task list for today:
1. Fill out income-based repayment paperwork SO THAT my student loans payment don't go up.
2. Write thank you notes SO THAT people will know that I appreciate them and not think I'm a flake.
3. Buy tickets to Africa SO THAT I don't have to pay more later.
4. Work for at least 6 hours SO THAT I'll feel productive and good about my day.
Okay. All those are fine things. But at the end of the day, does it really matter? I sat there this morning holding each task, each motivation up to the Father and over and over He said of each thing: "Who cares? Really, who cares? You're Papa cares for you." As in... Papa cares for my heart, my true identity apart from the things I mistake for identity.
How can I say this....
I was born with a soul. When I die, my soul will depart to the afterlife. My soul is NOT my body, my intellect, my talent, my accomplishments, or my emotions. It's something deeper. Why then do I assume God's relationship with me rests on ANY of those other things?
I suppose because I have NO other relationship like it. My relationship with my family gives me a glimpse. But even my most selfless relationships are contaminated with my expectations of what I might receive in return for my love, my grace, my investment of time and attention. Turns out agape is pretty tough to achieve.
So with God my heart is always a bit guarded. Like, "are you really loving me just because?" And in case Papa's love turns out to be less than unconditional, at LEAST I'm a good person with an education and plenty of raw talent to warrant Papa's approval. That's my fallback position. Ironically, my fallback position works against me. Because pride, self-reliance, and flesh-confidence were the first evil of the first people. Those "sins" kept Adam and Eve in hiding from God. They are an umbrella to protect me against his love, a fig leaf to hide behind. They keep me separated from his simple unconditional love. And I kinda think He'd say, "I'd rather make you a quadriplegic who understands that you can't do anything but that I love your soul than let you go on thinking I'm impressed by your posturing or good deeds or important friends or moral choices."
Living for God is better than living for people. God expects perfection. But he also gives grace. People don't expect perfection, but they also don't give a lot of grace. Okay but here's the thing. God knows we can't DO perfection. He knows we're sick: a fatal genetic blood disease we all share. So He donated some of his healthy blood to a good cause by becoming a person and dying. Actually, Jesus' death is less like a senseless execution and more like a blood transfusion. It's available to any patient willing to undergo the procedure. Now to those who accepted it, the healthy blood is restoring the diseased cells and we're on our way towards being healthy again. Not there yet. But in Father's house, everything will be completed
I know this is a rambley blog, but here's what I think:
God
loves you and me start to finish just because. We can sign for the
blood transfusion or go it alone. We can spend our lives accepting God's love or hiding from it. Today, I'm gonna go ahead and let it in, trust that it's real, let go of the fall-back position. That means, if I don't finish my to-do list today... who cares? Papa cares for me.
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