“Jesus was troubled”: a study in betrayal.

Riding shotgun with my mentor, a renowned charismatic preacher last year, I struck up a conversation about disciple-building. At the height of my ministry to young men in Chicago, I was transferring leadership to “my guys” and feeling good about the strides each man had taken that year. I was deeply proud of them and remarked, “It feels so good to see people you’ve invested in flourishing and growing!” My preacher friend nodded his head, quietly cataloguing decades of ministry experience, and finally replied, “yes… and it’s equally disappointing when they fail you.”

At the time, I felt cross toward his pessimism. But in the last 6 months, I’ve watched a tragic series of moral failures unfold in the lives of these people I believed in. It feels like a personal blow because I’ve walked alongside many of them through deep emotional healing. Turns out the issues ran deeper than I thought. It’s caused me to seriously question myself. Am I too optimistic about people? Maybe I’m just a bad judge of character. And the last stop on that train of thought becomes, “why even try?”

But this morning, John 13:21 stopped me in my tracks. “After this, Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified, ‘I tell you the truth, one of you is going to betray me.’”

I’m really not sure if Jesus knew about Judas’ betrayal the day he said to him, “come follow me.” But the bible says only after Judas agreed to hand over Jesus did Satan enter him. Is it possible that Jesus really thought Judas could overcome his unbelief? Why did Jesus put him in charge of the group’s finances? Was he trying to give him a chance to say “no” to greed? Did he intentionally take risks with Judas, hoping for the best?

I like to think that Jesus believed in Judas. I almost fancy (I might be wrong) that the moment that Jesus was “troubled in Spirit” was the first time he discerned clearly that Judas had gone off the deep end.

Here’s what I’m learning from Jesus’ response:

1.     The betrayal of people I believe in is a crushing blow and the best response is grief. Jesus does not insulate himself with a pessimistic attitude toward his men. He is realistic about their unbelief, but hopeful nonetheless. And when they disappoint him, he feels disappointed.

2.     It’s probable in my mind that even Jesus has had the wool pulled over his eyes. If the Son of God can be fooled about people, so can I.

3.     Jesus moved forward from the betrayal of Judas to reinstate Peter after a similar betrayal. He did not give up on people, even after they failed him.

The bottom line for me is that Jesus allowed his close relationships to impact him deeply. But his relationships did not fundamentally move him from his mission to make disciples who make disciples. There was a deeper, inalienable relationship with his Father that through daily intimacy, served as his source of identity and purpose. That, to me is a picture of health. We need to be realistic about people. But disciple building has always been a high-risk endeavor. And it always will be.